If You're Listening

Angel of Grief by *FeX*

We were all downstairs and getting ready to start the homeschooling thing. And just like any homeschooling mother, I decide to crank up the Ipod and rock out to Jimmy Eat World to get the day off to a great beginning.

I was going to take out the trash but...."if you're listen-ing, whoa..oo..oo..oo..oo" forces me to drop the bag and start the "spinning free" and full on crazy dancing with the kids all staring. Lily yells out at the top of her lungs, "Mother- it's a magical song that makes you drop everything because you just have to dance to it!" I know this and she knows this and that is why we have such a great relationship.

But all of this blissful, calorie burning, spirit rocking elation stopped abruptly as the next song began.

"May angels lead you in" is a beautiful song, and before Wendy died I could listen to it and just sing along. But Wendy did die and someone put the lyrics on her my space page and voila, the song now is about losing Wendy and I weep for a lost friend. My dear Wendy died at 26 years old after battling cancer for only a year and a half. At her memorial service there were some strange elements that I could not figure out. When Wendy and I were close friends, she loved God and music and great books. At her funeral there were a lot of quotes from great books, but not much music and no mention of God. There were a lot of Angels and Fairies.

I had lost touch with my dear friend for few years and when I came back into her life, she was already dying. I tend to believe that she still deeply loved God and knew Him better than I do because she had tasted mortality in a concrete way. But I am not sure about all the angels and fairies and what that meant to her.

What is it about memorial services that make you wonder who the person really was? What is it about music that could have you rocking out at full speed one minute and weeping in a corner and contemplating the meaning of life the next? Lily is absolutely right. The songs are magical and they make you drop everything because you just have to__________!

Why did you name it that?

photo by ardenstreet

So, this morning as we sipped tea with stevia and ate pitas stuffed with kalmatas, my husband told me that perhaps I need to explain my blog's name.

Is that like naming a baby something obscure and then feeling like you MUST justify it by defining it? For example, my son's name is Summit and in the past, after receiving strange looks and "come again" a million times, I would explain away the reason we chose his name and the love story behind it, but then who really cares about my love story except for myself and the man I love.

Suffice it so say, I eventually stopped giving in to the disconcerting stares and obviously disapproving murmurs about how "interesting" my child's name is. I no longer let them in on the reason we named him Summit because it is strangely akin to "throwing pearls before swine" in my book.

On another note, I thought it quite satisfying and humorous, that the very person who requested that I explain my blog's name is my husband. I cannot tell you how many high school afternoons we drove around in Sunnie, his 1970 Volkswagen Bus, with the windows down, music blaring, red and blond curls flying around until they were in dreadlocks. When we were forced to slow down due to red lights, the engine would quiet down and we could actually hear each other talking. My most common point of discussion would go like this " why is this band named------"?

(You fill in the blank because you know that band names are typically ridiculous and if they do not seem this way to you then you are either: A.) in a band with a funky name or B.) you actually read all of the books and have seen all of the movies that refer to these random titles, so YOU GET IT. ) My high school sweetheart and now husband would reply to this seemingly juvenile question with " why do these bands need to explain themselves to you? Why do you feel the need to have to understand the band name? It is poetic, it is artistic etc..." He was sooo "deep" (don't you love that word) and he still is. He is also a musician and has been in a band with a random name so he is one of those that "GETS IT."

I still catch myself every now and then trying to figure out the band names and attempting to make sense of obscure lyrics in an effort to better understand them.
So, I will explain the name, because it is only fair to people like myself who cannot handle not knowing "why." But not right now. You have to wait. And no this is not a giveaway blog- but it could be when my 1800 sq ft organic garden starts producing.