Scattered

Sometimes I feel scattered. I know that there are so many avenues I can pursue and most likely meet a successful end. I have faith that whatever I want to do, can prosper because one thing always leads to another and good always comes to those who trust in Him.

This is not just about "God's will" and "God's plan"- this is how we must live the Christian life. This is also not an "I can conquer the world and do whatever I want" way of life either.
It is about trusting. It is about "do not be anxious about your life" mantras.

I am anxious. I never thought that I would still be in the same place I have always lived. I thought that I would be gone after high school. Then I would be gone after college. Be gone after we had a baby, two babies, 3,4....and yet here we are.

I fell into love at 16 and never came up out of that ocean. We almost went away from each other at college...but we could not do it. After college, he started working and had to travel...we could not take it...I felt more alone and depressed with 3 small ones and a city full of relatives than I ever thought a person could. All of my friends who had traveling husbands said, "but you don't have to cook or clean when he is away" or "I can do whatever I want when he is gone" or "the kids are on a better schedule" blah blah blah...

I hated seeing him go from the minute he told me that next week he had to go away for a couple of days, until the minute he set foot in the door on his return. We have been married for 7 years, and together for 11. It feels like both a day and an eternity. He truly is my beloved.

So now he seldom travels away, unless like a caravan, we are all together. We have always adored the American road trip. Eating random roadside fare like bison jerky (from Colorado) and peach soda (from Georgia) and crab bisque (from Maryland). We crank up the music and dream together...lyrics to classic rock, grunge, pop, and bluegrass filling up our senses and giving us prospective.

The kids sometime rock out along the way, or whine, or poke at each other, but more often they look out at our beautiful country and join in the wondering and dreaming. Because we homeschool, the traveling life could be a reality for us. Use the whole country as a textbook, right? But man cannot live on gas alone- we need to work and provide for a quality life.

I have at least 6 ideas of how to do this, but when do we take the leap? We want to have a little bit of land to grow some food. We need a little house to lay our heads and wash up. We need a big enough vehicle to seat 6 people. We need to be together all the time. Some do not have these needs, but we do.

We are waiting for the circumstances to present themselves. We are hoping that we will able to sell our house in Florida. We may need to take a jump some day and close our eyes and pray it works out...we need this for us.